Some time ago I asked myself: What if I was lying on my death-bed? What would I regret? This question came to me after waking up several times with a deep awareness that this might be my last day here on earth. This realization released a feeling in me that, if I try to put it into words, I can only describe as a bomb of Love exploding in my chest, spreading through my body and almost launched to much energy and emotion for my body to process. A sensation that breaks all limits and restrictions and gives my heart wings, like the universe is opening before my eyes and invites me to breath It deeply in and out. The answer to the question above came directly, clearly spoken and clear tangible to me. If I would die now, I would be very sad and regret deeply that I never fully loved myself. This was a very painful realization for me and it touched me deeply.This instantly made it very clear to me on what I wanted to focus my attention. Yes, my deepest desire is to fully love myself!
A new year is always a good time for me to ask myself on what I want to focus. After the realization above I hereby set my focus and intention for 2014.
Focus: I inhabit my body in Love and Light
Intention: Embodyment of myself, my essence
During my geographical and inner journeys it became very clear that for me there is nothing more important in this life than to fully embody myself. I don’t want to leave this life without being able to fully sense myself and accomplish my mission, the reason why I am here on earth. To achieve this I will do my very best to live in Truth, beyond my fears, free myself from the opinion of others, follow my heart and love myself unconditionally. Looking back on my youth and myself as a child, I see a girl that took life and herself very serious. All my life I have been fascinated by the theme of ‘transformation’. Since I never esteemed myself as good enough I was very passionate to keep on transforming myself to perfection. This not only took place on a fysical level but also on an essential level. Out of this passion I read many self-help books and worked very ‘hard’ on myself. Aiming for perfection is a full-time job I can assure you and will never come to an end 🙂 My aspiration for perfection came from a big need for approval from others.
Because I aimed for perfection and approval I never learned to ask myself: ‘What do you really want, Esther?’ “If it hasn’t got to be perfect and the oppinions of others doesn’t count, than what do you want to do?’ In the last two years I have received several answers. One of them is: ‘I want to write”. For quite some time it is my dream to write. Fear of rejection and not being “good” enough hold it off. In the past few years I offen talked about it with others, full of passion and enthousiasm. Plenty of ideas and subjects. Several people told me I should DO it. ‘Make your first step!, start Esther!’ While writing I come to the conclusion that embodiment besides Being also equals doing. By not putting a hearts desire into practise I cannot embody that part of mySelf. I actually belief that desires from the heart are the voice of our being, letting us know what wants to be lived, what wants to be experienced in this earthly realm. When we ignore this we don’t give ourselves the opportunity to fully experience ourselves. For one person it can be writing, for another it can be gardening, dancing, painting or making music etc. By folowing my heart en meet her needs I make my intangible being, my essence, visible. Doing so I am the bridge between the invisible and the visible, between heaven and earth. And how do I do this?……by making my first step! 2014 is the year in which I invite myself to Now Do what I have been dreaming off for years. Writing is one of my dreams. And hereby I make my first step! And……..what is your first step?
Happy New Year! or as I read somewhere: ” Happy Now Here”