The Power of Subtlety

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I am aroused by sensation. I experience myself as I am in a new world. As if I am Sleeping Beauty waking up after 100 years of sleep and realizing I am in a different reality. Kissed awake by my prince sharming named Awareness. Oh boy and I love this new reality! I am IN my body with all of my senses highly activated. My curiousity brings me more and more INsight and most of all more pleasure. The first thing that really got to me this time is the power of subtlety. This new reality is companied with another phase of living life. It’s grounded, connected, slowed down, lot’s of pauses and so much beingness…sometimes many pauses blended together, creating a long pause in which the field of awareness expands and ecstasy exists. It’s over and over tuning into my body, communicating with it. Asking questions, lovingly asking what it desires or needs. It’s beautiful and so amazing when I receive the answer. In the past I had moments like this but now it’s more constant which I consciously choose to embody more and more. Expanding my awareness, increasing my body IQ.

I am just amazed about how much stimulation I can receive if I choose too. For me it has to do about choosing to be touched from the outside. To physically open my skin, cells and self to truly receive that ‘other’. It’s a constant practise to stay open especialy living in a city which can be overwhelming sometimes. But even now writing this blog….just noticing how my fingers feel typing on my laptop, receiving the people walking the streets, the birds I see and hear. Life becomes so much more fascinating when I slow down and look and receive what is. I chose and most of all desired it to happen a long time ago but it feels like I am now ready to receive it. As if I am now more firmly grounded in myself so I can let my defenses down and open. Knowing that I can stay connected and centered in myself when in relationship with the other or that other. This opens another field in which I am touched by the sounds of a bird, the tickling sensation in my spine, the sensation of a voice I hear and the look in somebody’s eyes. The openess is the same as nature is being right now in springtime. Besides that, by becoming more aware of this field of subtlety my intuition grows even more. I feel subtle changes in energy sooner. Subtle shifts in sensations, feelings, emotions. All giving me direction, guidance and answers. Being in my body now, doing my day to day activities feels like I am going out on a playdate with my body over and over again, having fun with sensing sensations! Just reminds me of a child, not needing much to have a great time.

Just for now as you are reading this blog….pause for a moment…sense your breath… your shoulders… sense your sitbones…legs and feet. Sense you arms and fingers, your posture and now….can you receive the sensations you receive from the subtle influences of the color of the letters in this blog, the sounds your computer makes, the light in the room. Activate all your senses (see, feel, taste, hear, smell) and notice what subtle sensations and information you receive through them in this moment. Everything counts, paying attention to the smallest detail. Often times we are mainly focused on what appears in front of us..so now expand your awareness around you, to your backside, underneath, above and at the sides of you. Now from this place of awareness you can also feel things that are maybe a little unpleasant, for example your posture, a sound you hear, your shoes that you have on…anything…notice it and make one change that could give you and your body more pleasure? Make that change and sense again…..Maybe there is a movement you want to make….make it…..and sense again…It’s an ongoing path to more and more pleasure.

On this moment I am playing with choices and tweaking. By tuning in to my bodily sensations I can sense the impact that ‘small things’ have. For example, the color of clothes I am wearing, the food I am eating, how I place a book on the table, the music I am playing, where I sit, what I say, and then having the intent to make life as pleasurable as possible. In this process a lot has to do with self-love and self-care. I notice that my self-love is growing from choosing pleasure. I just came back from a walk in the park and practised this while walking. Sensing my ankle joint, adjusting the placement of my feet (tweak), then holding my shoulders differently (tweak), then releasing my jaw (tweak), then moving my pelvis with more fluidity (tweak) and so on…My body is letting me know, through sensation, what to tweak to create sensational pleasure:-) How cool is that! Walking becomes a massage, a wellness treatment, nourishment for my body&soul. Just give it a try!

Tips for creating pleasure in your daily life: 

  • Pay attention to detail. Look at objects, people, nature, life with curiousity. As if you see it for the first time and let yourself be touched. In Nia we call this, perceiving ‘life as art’. How you use your eyes influences what you receive and how much you receive. The visual I often use to help me soften my eyes and receive ‘the other’ is imagening that my eyeball are laying down in a beach chair.
  • Tweak..tweak and tweak. You can do this whenever and with whatever you are doing. Even moving things in your livingroom and see if you sense more pleasure with this change. Awesome when you are doing your spring cleaning.
  • Create pauses in your day. Slow down. Breath…check-in with your body and ask what it needs or desires. Open yourself through all your sense for what is in the moment. In the beginning it can help to set a alarm as a reminder or choose specific moments such as waking up, or going to bed etc.
  • Create play dates with your body. Go out for a walk and make it the most pleasurable walk you ever had. Dance in your living, go to a Nia class or other movement practise and only choose pleasure. Intimately communicating with your body.

It’s so beautiful to also experience the power of focus and intention. Only two months ago I wrote my first blogpost and I shared my focus and intent for the year 2014…well….it’s happening. Thank you body, thank you mind and thank you Spirit!

That you all may be kissed ‘awake’ through sensation and touched by all that is presented to you right now, right here. If you feel like sharing your experiences, please do!

With love and pleasure,

Esther

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The Washing Machine

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Do you also enjoy clean clothes, the smell, the freshness and the brightness of it? I centainly do. I enjoy transforming things from impurity to purity. To create order out of chaos, both businesswise and personally. One of the chores I love doing from beginning till end, is doing the laundry. The washing machine, is the metaphore I am using to discribe the process that regurlarly recurs in my life and I am in for the last two weeks. A process of introspection, cleaning and metamorphoses: soaking, clarification, cleaning, separation, integration and transformation.

Since I am back from America, end of November 2013, I’ve been feeling very happy and abundant in all areas. Everything flowed. I felt no resistance to be in the Netherlands and enjoyed seeing all my friends and family. In December, I could immediately make money in the Netherlands. In January, the words flowed out of me to create my new website and in addition to it, this blog site emerged. I had asked the universe, that if it was important to take a job alongside my ‘Embodiment of Self’ activities, to make this clear to me. Despite my mind who gave me regularly signs that the balance of my account was on the decline, I kept faith and stayed focused on writing and creating my website. I am very happy that I was able to maintain the faith and confidence. Mid-January I launched my website and blog…wow!! After enjoying my accomplishments for a few days, I came in a place of ’emptiness’, the proverbial hole. Something was completed and born at the same time and I felt very clearly that something new was about to happen, without knowing what. A new era had dawned. I didn’t experience the emptiness as pleasant, because it felt cold … ice cold and empty. I stayed for a few days with my mother in the south of Holland. I let myself be pampered and together we celebrated my successes. Thank you Mom! After a few days I returned to Rotterdam in a good spirit. Ready for the next stage …

1. Prewash

Contrary to my expectation that the next step was the planning of activities, another process presented itself. Without being aware of it the washing program apparently had started. It started with the “prewash”. As if the emptiness, which I spoke about earlier, invited me to make myself empty as well and wash myself before proceeding. A fresh new start, so to speak. I, who loves to move ‘forward’ and being busy, find moments of ‘delay’ and introspection difficult at times. In particular, the time the change actually takes place. Because I had other plans, wishes and ideas. I was asked to adapt and surrender to what presented itself so I could be able to flow with the new that announced itself. In the past I would be in a place of resistance for a while but experience has taught me that surrender is a more pleasant way. The prewash for me is the time that my subconscious is moving and I emotionally feel an energy shift. A new movement takes place inside of me. I feel the change, but still can not identify what it is that I perceive. It first needs to be soaked loose and brought to the surface, into my consciousness. I feel differently. I feel physically heavier and more tired than usual. The prewash took me a few days before the ‘main wash’ started.

2. Main Wash

Currently I’m still in this phase. What’s going on in my subconscious comes up to the surface, the stains so to speak. My dissatisfactions, worries and limiting beliefs are becoming clear. The world seems to be up side down for me. Inside of me there are fears, resistance, wishes, feelings of “I should” and grief. In addition, the question “what now?” comes up. These feelings make me realize that I’m not happy with my current situation and I need to make different choices. The nice thing is that now it is clear and I can consciously work with it. I can now talk about it, I can ask myself clear questions and put my beliefs under the microscope so more clarity is created. The main questions that have my interest at this time are: What do I want and what do I need? Essential questions… One new insight I can already share with you: I choose financial security and freedom -> I want a job -> conclusion: time to apply for a new job! (:-) Thank you universe)

Stain Removers 

Sometimes my thoughts just keep spinning and spinning (just like the machine itself). Whenever I am not able to get out if it myself there are fortunately still the ‘stain removers’, my resources. I refer to my dear friends and family. Resources may also include: a coach, therapist, a massage, rituals or other forms of support. Yesterday a good friend came to visit me and we did a wonderful visualization exercise that has brought me insight in my situation, and also inspired me to write this blog. I feel I have some handles again to prepare myself for the next phase of the ‘washing’ process: centrifugation.

3. Centrifugation

A centrifuge is a separator, separating mixtures, according to wikipedia. This also applies to this part of the process. So, what do I take with me and what do I Iet go off? What helps and what hinders me to achieve my goal. This process really askes of me to let go of what no longer serves.

4. Drying 

Yes, this is the time to relax and be proud of myself. A time of integration, enjoying the new, the cleanness, and the resulting brightness. Inhaling and exhaling deeply and smelling the moment. And as we often step out off the Nia class… I visualize my lifepath in front of me, without any obstacles, free to walk with ease and pleasure, and when I’m ready… I take the first step… into my new reality.

Fabric Softner

In this process, the metaphor for self-love, compassion and forgiveness. An essential addition for experiencing mildness in the process.

Finally. I experienced this recurring process often as a drama because I believed and feared that I was doing something wrong. I felt I was failing when another ‘washingprocess’ started. I have come to understand that the drama was caused because I labeled the process wrong. I have chosen to reframe the process: Clothing just needs to be washed once a while… and it’s nice to wear clean, nice smellling clothes!