Do you also enjoy clean clothes, the smell, the freshness and the brightness of it? I centainly do. I enjoy transforming things from impurity to purity. To create order out of chaos, both businesswise and personally. One of the chores I love doing from beginning till end, is doing the laundry. The washing machine, is the metaphore I am using to discribe the process that regurlarly recurs in my life and I am in for the last two weeks. A process of introspection, cleaning and metamorphoses: soaking, clarification, cleaning, separation, integration and transformation.
Since I am back from America, end of November 2013, I’ve been feeling very happy and abundant in all areas. Everything flowed. I felt no resistance to be in the Netherlands and enjoyed seeing all my friends and family. In December, I could immediately make money in the Netherlands. In January, the words flowed out of me to create my new website and in addition to it, this blog site emerged. I had asked the universe, that if it was important to take a job alongside my ‘Embodiment of Self’ activities, to make this clear to me. Despite my mind who gave me regularly signs that the balance of my account was on the decline, I kept faith and stayed focused on writing and creating my website. I am very happy that I was able to maintain the faith and confidence. Mid-January I launched my website and blog…wow!! After enjoying my accomplishments for a few days, I came in a place of ’emptiness’, the proverbial hole. Something was completed and born at the same time and I felt very clearly that something new was about to happen, without knowing what. A new era had dawned. I didn’t experience the emptiness as pleasant, because it felt cold … ice cold and empty. I stayed for a few days with my mother in the south of Holland. I let myself be pampered and together we celebrated my successes. Thank you Mom! After a few days I returned to Rotterdam in a good spirit. Ready for the next stage …
Contrary to my expectation that the next step was the planning of activities, another process presented itself. Without being aware of it the washing program apparently had started. It started with the “prewash”. As if the emptiness, which I spoke about earlier, invited me to make myself empty as well and wash myself before proceeding. A fresh new start, so to speak. I, who loves to move ‘forward’ and being busy, find moments of ‘delay’ and introspection difficult at times. In particular, the time the change actually takes place. Because I had other plans, wishes and ideas. I was asked to adapt and surrender to what presented itself so I could be able to flow with the new that announced itself. In the past I would be in a place of resistance for a while but experience has taught me that surrender is a more pleasant way. The prewash for me is the time that my subconscious is moving and I emotionally feel an energy shift. A new movement takes place inside of me. I feel the change, but still can not identify what it is that I perceive. It first needs to be soaked loose and brought to the surface, into my consciousness. I feel differently. I feel physically heavier and more tired than usual. The prewash took me a few days before the ‘main wash’ started.
2. Main Wash
Currently I’m still in this phase. What’s going on in my subconscious comes up to the surface, the stains so to speak. My dissatisfactions, worries and limiting beliefs are becoming clear. The world seems to be up side down for me. Inside of me there are fears, resistance, wishes, feelings of “I should” and grief. In addition, the question “what now?” comes up. These feelings make me realize that I’m not happy with my current situation and I need to make different choices. The nice thing is that now it is clear and I can consciously work with it. I can now talk about it, I can ask myself clear questions and put my beliefs under the microscope so more clarity is created. The main questions that have my interest at this time are: What do I want and what do I need? Essential questions… One new insight I can already share with you: I choose financial security and freedom -> I want a job -> conclusion: time to apply for a new job! (:-) Thank you universe)
Sometimes my thoughts just keep spinning and spinning (just like the machine itself). Whenever I am not able to get out if it myself there are fortunately still the ‘stain removers’, my resources. I refer to my dear friends and family. Resources may also include: a coach, therapist, a massage, rituals or other forms of support. Yesterday a good friend came to visit me and we did a wonderful visualization exercise that has brought me insight in my situation, and also inspired me to write this blog. I feel I have some handles again to prepare myself for the next phase of the ‘washing’ process: centrifugation.
A centrifuge is a separator, separating mixtures, according to wikipedia. This also applies to this part of the process. So, what do I take with me and what do I Iet go off? What helps and what hinders me to achieve my goal. This process really askes of me to let go of what no longer serves.
Yes, this is the time to relax and be proud of myself. A time of integration, enjoying the new, the cleanness, and the resulting brightness. Inhaling and exhaling deeply and smelling the moment. And as we often step out off the Nia class… I visualize my lifepath in front of me, without any obstacles, free to walk with ease and pleasure, and when I’m ready… I take the first step… into my new reality.
In this process, the metaphor for self-love, compassion and forgiveness. An essential addition for experiencing mildness in the process.
Finally. I experienced this recurring process often as a drama because I believed and feared that I was doing something wrong. I felt I was failing when another ‘washingprocess’ started. I have come to understand that the drama was caused because I labeled the process wrong. I have chosen to reframe the process: Clothing just needs to be washed once a while… and it’s nice to wear clean, nice smellling clothes!